The other day I was at Wal-Mart with my wife and daughter. My daughter needed a new swimming suit and so we headed to the fitting rooms with a couple for her to try on. My wife went in with her, leaving me alone with the shopping cart for a while. I figured I’d just browse around a bit nearby while I waited, but as I looked about me, I realized that wasn’t going to be an option.
You know why? Because the fitting rooms were located right smack in the middle of the women’s underwear section, that’s why!
Talk about not fair. Not only was I stuck waiting while women tried on clothes, a horror all on it’s own, but I was stuck in the middle of underwear at the same time.
What an injustice!
It was ridiculous, and I was not the only man stuck waiting at the time either. There were two other guys hanging around. But it’s not like I was going to start talking to them. Heck, we didn’t even make eye contact.
I mean, what do you say to another man while surrounded by women’s underwear?
“Hey, how ’bout those panties?”
I don’t think so.
“Whew! My baby would sure look hot in those! What do you think? Never mind, don’t answer that. I’d have to kick your butt.”
I mean, come on! It’s embarrassing!
What are you doing to us, Wal-Mart?
What would be wrong with putting the dressing rooms in the sporting goods section, hardware, or automotive? You could even put them in the grocery section. Yeah, and have loads of those free sample tables sitting around. Yeah, that would be great! Set us up with free cookie samples, free granola bar samples, free doughnut samples, or free bar-b-cue samples.
Better yet, if you really want to increase sales, why not put on sporting goods demonstrations right there next to the dressing rooms? Why not have “try it before you buy it” tool demonstrations? Let us take apart a lawn mower or something. Heck, we’re talking about women trying on clothes, it’s not like we won’t have plenty of time.
“Go ahead, honey, try on whatever you want. I’ve got another half hour before the free elk calling class starts anyway. Meanwhile, I’m going to strip this chainsaw down to it’s bare parts with this new “universal wrench-all 360 degree spinning head ratchet-screwdriver-toothbrush combo. So, take your time, I know you’re going to anyway.”
Why can’t it be like that? Huh, Wal-Mart? Why can’t you take a horribly long and boring process — women trying on clothes — and make it more fun? You could, you know?
But no, instead you stick the dang fitting rooms smack dab in the middle of the women’s underwear section. Do you know how boring women’s underwear is? I mean, when it’s not actually on a woman?
Now there’s an idea. Bring in some live models to show off the underwear you have so cruelly stuck us in. Now that would be cool. Then, we would be saying, “Hey, how ’bout those panties!”
Yeah, I like that idea. Not so much because of getting to see the models, however, but because it would really make the wife in the dressing room hurry the heck up!
Joe Bingham (aka Joe Humor)
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